Thembani PrimaryJuly 7, 2020
A Trip Down Memory LaneJuly 29, 2020
In times of uncertainty and instability, we look for things to help us make sense of our situation. The image below can be a valuable tool for this:
AREA OF CONTROL:
These are the things you have direct control over: your thoughts, feelings beliefs, values, choices and behaviours.
These are things you can influence, but not control: relationships, outcomes, environments etc. You are responsible for the part you play, but not the whole.
These things are of interest and concern to you, but they are beyond your control and influence.
- We try to control things we can only influence, or influence things that are beyond us
- We feel guilty about things we can neither control nor influence
- We feel responsible for more than our share of influence
- We allow others to control, rather than influence – or influence where they should only show concern
This is especially true when, for whatever reason, things shift unexpectedly and things we used to be able to influence move beyond us into the Area of Concern, or things we used to be concerned about now fall into our Area of Influence.
As you strive to make sense of your current circumstances, see if these questions help to make things clearer:
1. What is completely mine that I can control (thoughts, feelings, behaviours, choices, responses etc.)?
- What am I trying to control that I actually can’t?
- What can I control that I need to take responsibility for?
2. How has my ability to influence changed?
- Where do I have less influence than before?
- Where do I have more influence than before?
- Where does my responsibility end, and someone else’s begin?
3. What am I concerned about that I can neither influence nor control?
- Who can influence this?
- Who can control this?
- What can I do to make peace with this?
When we know the difference between the things we can control, the things we can influence and the things we can’t, we are in a better position to make positive choices. And this is an empowering place to be!
Written by Robyn Pitot